I broke some ice this week, and went to my first audition in NYC in probably over 3 years. A dear friend of mine who has cheered me on in all my endeavors past and future tipped me off to this audition. Immediately, I began to make excuses as to why I couldn't go: I don't have a current headshot. I might be tired. I haven't finished working on my resume. The possibility for rain is 0% that day. I need to have the apartment 100% in perfect order and spotless with all my music sorted, selected and practiced on 50 of my closest friends first... Mostly, though, I was just scared.
"Where did the past few months of confidence building go?" you may be tempted to ask. I asked myself the same question while cowering in fear under my bed. To be honest, I have let fear dominate my life in so many ways in the past, and that is exactly why I am back in NYC. I am here to "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway." (Susan Jeffers)
So, I went home on the morning of the 28th after work, gathered my materials from their various hiding places, went to the internet cafe to print my resume and was off to the studio. I arrived around 12pm, and the monitor told me I could be seen at 12:30. I have to say that I love this perk of being an AEA (Actor's Union) member. If this had been a non-union call, I would have had to be there at 4am just to get a spot. The half-hour window gave me time to sit and try to remember to breathe as I put together my headshots/resumes. As some of you may know, I have developed a nervous system disorder over the past few years that causes constant muscle twitching. This gets worse when I am stressed, and I could have sworn that my left leg was doing its best to make a run for the door with or without me. My heart wasn't helping matters as it tried to escape by pounding out through either the top of my head or the bottoms of my feet.
There was a dodgy moment when I stood up and almost passed out, but I conquered this with some more deep breathing and somehow managed to make it to the waiting line. I had pulled a song that I already knew by heart, and was prepared to sing the whole thing with pre-selected gestures and motions. However, the audition monitor informed us a few minutes before I went in (I was first in my group) that we should sing 32 bars. This cut my already short song in half, and I had to count backward from the end of the song to see where I should begin. This left me no time to think about my "moves" before going in.
Now, people just LOVE to give TMI. The monitor very kindly informed us that the music director for the show would be in the room, and that it was very rare for this to be the case. Oh THANK you, Mr. Monitor! Now I can add the need to PUKE to my list of maladies for the day.
One more deep breath, and I was in the room. The people in the room were cordial and friendly, and after giving my music to the piano player/MUSIC DIRECTOR, I sang. My voice was ok. Steadier than I thought it would be. My body, however, betrayed me. Where were all those practiced motions we had planned? Time slows down inside your head during these moments, and I was shouting internally to myself, "What are you DOING?" as I repeated the same hand gesture for EVERY LINE of the song. Well, then. There, now.
The casting director thanked my very much for coming in, and I thanked them all profusely before heading back out into the hallway. The actor following me told me I sounded good (I had shared with him that I hadn't auditioned in a few years.) All in all, I can't complain. It was not the end of the world, and now each audition can only get better and easier from here.
For those of you who don't know "The Business," this was an EPA (Equity Principal Audition,) and it was required. This means that it is made mandatory by the union for the show to hold these auditions, and they are not necessarily looking for actors. Once in a while they will hire someone out of these "cattle calls," but most actors just use them as an opportunity to hone their audition skills.
My goal in the future is to audition my pants off, and be much more aggressive regarding my career than I was in the past. I won't bore you with EVERY audition I go to in the future, but I wanted to share the fact that I MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST ONE! AND I DIDN'T DIE!
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